oops??!!

I am totally pissed off. I have made a new resolution tht I will have to cook one new recipe everyday and also bake something once in two days. the cooking for everyday part is going on well for the past few days but the baking part sucks. Day before yesterday I made oats cookies but they didnt turn out like how they were supposed to be.  it was tasty but very chewy and we somehow managed to finish it off.
Today I made whole wheat khara/spicy buns and they turned out so hard. I made six little buns and managed to finish off only 2. Anand couldnt even taste more than a bite. It was hard and chewy. I put so much effort into it but in vain. Feeling very bad about it. Tomorrow surely gonna try something different. Will see how that turns out. May be healthy bakes and me dont get along I guess.. Learning from mistakes na idhu thaano..

Mommying

I once read in a blog where the blogger, a mom, had ranted about how irritated she was when people adviced her on mommying. While reading it for the first time, I felt that she was overreacting. When you are a first time mom, you dont know how things work out and you are supposed to listen to experienced mommies/parents. I thought the blogger mommy was creating a fuss out of it.Obviously I was not a mom then. Now she has a company.
My kid is very much on the thinner side. I have not passed on my bulky trait to him or may be its too early to judge. Everybody who get to meet him for the first time points that out and advices me to feed him more so that he gains weight and looks good. Agreed. I really appreciate their concern1
But the frustration peeps in when the 'advicer' goes overboard. Poking jokes that the mommy shouldnt eat all the food and instead feed the kid or a lecture on how to run behind my kid and make him eat and how they were good at it with their own kid seriously sucks.
What really takes me to the heights of frustration is blaming me for not being a good at taking care of my kid- you dont feed him properly/ you are not careful with your kid/you dont care much. That sucks to the core.
Ours is a nuclear family and we dont even have close friends or relatives who are not part of our lives on a day to day basis, which means we literally raise our kid by ourselves and we are completely on our own. This being the case, I really dont understand when people do the blaming thing that I was not right in my part in bringing up my child. Before talking about my part do they ever thought about the part they play on my kid's upbringing? They were not with us during our moment of crisis.
People if you ever feel that I am not feeding him properly or not being much attentive to him, why dont you show me how to do that? Why dont you cook for him, feed him, attend to his tantrums, change diapers and clean poop, thus setting an example.
I know am not an ideal wife or mommy material but I am taking the slow and steady method to learn stuff. It takes time. I am imperfect in certain departments and I totally agree. But bluntly blaming doesnt help in any way. It just hurts.

Aarav - Top 10

off late we are having too much fun with aarav( exclude tantrum times). he talks and talks and talks. omg is so interesting to see his kutty brain thinking so hard. love my boy.

here comes my favorite top ten moments in no particular order-

1. we bought a new big pressure cooker and mini idly plates. kitchen items being his favorite, he played and played and played with them till he went to bed. he even filled up the idly plates with batter on his own. i love the fact that he is so much into cooking. and the highlight of that night- he wanted to keep the pressure cooker in our bero.reason -"badhrama vekkanum" lol
2. he rolls out awesome chapatis that are almost 80percent perfect. i recorded the same to spread the message.super super hit the video is.
3. this one s kinda sad moment for me.and for him too. we sent him for day care till 31 jul 14 and since i had quit my job, i was supposed to pick him up from playschool by 12 noon from 1 aug 14 since we didnt pay for day care for august month. one newly joined playschool teacher misguided me askig me to pick him at 12.30pm on aug 1st. so when i went at 1230 to pick him up my lil guy seemed so restless and tired from crying. the moment he saw me he almost broke up saying, 'amma miss mammu thara maatengara'. poor guy. since we hadnt paid for day care and to teach me a lesson for not makig this late pick up a habit, they have forbidden gim from taking his lunch there, which has been his usual routine for more than an year. paavam he felt so bad and kept saying the same thing the whole day. this is for no fault of mine and his. atleast they could have given him little food and asked me not to repeat this practise once again. cha feeling bad for him.
4. he demanded my appa to get chocolates and biscuit for him. my appa told him that he didnt have any money. bang came the reply- use ur debit card. well said smart boy!
5. he LOVES Beetroot stir fry. the enthusiasm with which he picks out a beetroot whnever we go for veggie shopping is contagious i say. his facial expression on spotting and touching the beetroot will turn anyone into a beetroot lover. Or aleast me.
6. he hates sharing things with others. he wont touch or use others' things and he ll expect the same courtesy from them. so when people touch his things, he starts doubting them and goes the extra mile to keep his things safe. its so funny so see him take care of his belongings. he wont even miss a pencil or eraser. a trait which he has definitely not inherited from me.( divya dear, i can visualise u nodding in agreement)
7. one day he was speaking non stop and i could just gaze in amazement. this little boy of mine had grown up so much that he has got an opinion on every single thing that happens around him. i dont know why but suddenly i was drenched in 'feelings' and got so emotional. aarav darling-dont grow up so fast.. slow down baby:)
8. he can rightly say the capital of 16 Indian states and 5 neighbouring countries as on date. and the list keeps increasing. *feeling proud*
9. heights of frustration- he wantedly peed on a big bucket full of washed clothes ready to be dried.grrrr.
10. anand- aarav naama aeroplane la polaamadaa
aarav- vendaam appa. vizhundhudum.
ROFL
Love u little guy:)

The one without job :)

I ve quit my job. I am jobless now. And I am happy about it.

When I couldnt get through the Group Discussion round in my first round of my first campus interview, I was one heart broken girl. I wanted to get a job so badly. I got placed in a marketing job with a good pay packet but I quit the job on the same day of joining because I felt marketing was not my cup of tea. Then again I was frantically searching for a job and finally I found myself joining NSE. Life seemed perfect. 

Then marriage and pregnancy happened and I lost my job again. Again I was heart broken but this time I was pregnant.  Aarav darling was born and after a two year gap, I got a job again and this time I was more than happy.

I had to put Aarav in daycare and I was perfectly OK with it. I was away from home and him and Anand from 930 to 730 and I didnt feel bad at all. But something didnt feel right over the year. I dont want to go too much into the reasoning but I am content with my decision. Lets see what life has in store for me:)

Sadness..

There is too much going on around me.. 

I am not able to concentrate in anything particular.. 

Let it be official or personal..

My spirits are so dangerously low..

I dont know what future has in store for me and I am scared about it..

I dont even want to think or talk about it to anybody..

Even this will change and I hope the change takes me over asap..

Random..

Other than ranting about not posting in my blog, let me document what is going on in my mind right now. Being a true gemini, I can imagine about 10 different things at a time but do nothing about anything. Sigh!!

# It is 11.05 PM and I have few chocolate cupcakes baking in the oven.Its a kinda tried-n-number-of-times-and-always-successrecipe but this time I messed up with the measurements so I am worried that they might not turn up as expected. Those are for my colleagues daughter so I am even more worried. If they dont turn up as expected, I will have to do another batch tomorrow morning.

# I have joined an online baking group called Bake along and the group members are supposed to bake one recipe every week provided by the owner of the group,an awesome baker, Subhashini Ramsingh. She usually posts the recipe on sunday midnight to let the group members know the task. This week its going to be sinful brownies with 4 layers. Am super duper excited about it that I couldnt sleep without knowing the recipe. So I m burning the midnight 'tubelight' and eagerly waiting for the time to be 12 so that I could read the recipe and heartily dream about those brownies till the time I bake them. I love baking ya.

# Yesterday my favorite cousins Aarthi and Piwi stayed with us. We went for night show 'Manjapai'. The movie was just OK but I really enjoyed watching the movie with them. And I was soooo happy when they gave thumbs up for everything I cooked/baked for them. Yayy!!

# The big guy in out house is working day and night. I mean, literally. Everyday he leaves for office around 5-6 AM and his day is complete by around 7-8 PM. Poor guy, he is dead tired by the end of the day and goes to sleep as early as 9 PM. 

#Iam quitting my job. I have put the papers. I havent disclosed this to my friends and relatives yet.( Thank god, they dunno about my blog!!)The reason is purely personal, just that I want to concentrate more on the family.

# I am so very excited for a reason cos..Oops!! Sorry I cannot let out the secret!!

# I am seriously considering about starting a food blog. But still in thinking phase cos I feel good pics are essential for a food blog and I dont have one and I suck in photogaphy. So lets wait and see..

# I wanna go abroad and visit some beautiful country with my guys.

# I want to blog often and I hope I will (I know this line regularly appears in my last few posts)

# I can never wake up early. I dont even want to talk about it. 

Thats all:)